Let’s become the light

Sanity is like what happens to you when you listen to music… sanity is not in you it’s more like your ability to dance to the music

A Hero Without a Cape

She uses her special powers daily to heal and comfort,

A talented listener who instinctively knows what you need.

Who cares and always values what you say and feel,

Allowing the trauma to release you from within.

A hero without a cape.

Her gentle healing words alleviate pain,

And ease the scariest memories.

She soothes the body and mind,

Guiding you to repair and mend scars.

A hero without a cape.

Her presence and shield of protection instils a calmness,

Creating a safe place to be your true self.

The wall can finally come down,

Allowing honesty to prevail.

A hero without a cape.

Her calming voice quietly floods the air,

With positivity and reassurance.

Giving you dignity while revealing shameful memories,

As you share the darkest secrets for the first time.

A hero without a cape.

She uses her force field to shield the inner child,

To reduce shame and humiliation.

She gives strength and saves you from the loneliness,

Holding you tight to reduce anxiety.

A hero without a cape.

She gives reassuring hugs so you are not alone,

That give security and relieve fear.

While infusing confidence she protects nd guides you through,

Giving you courage and self belief to fight on.

A hero without a cape.

The power of her smile that reassures you it’s safe,

To reveal the horrors that have caused so much shame.

The gentle nod that lets you know it’s ok to say the words,

That have been silenced for decades.

A hero without a cape.

She is armed with colouring pens,

To release the words that are too painful to speak.

And tissues to mop up puddles of sadness,

So nothing is hidden, not even the most humiliating wounds.

A hero without a cape.

Her intuition is like x-ray vision,

Enabling her to see into the soul.

With her talents she defeats the enemy daily,

Giving survivors back control and power to be free from the past.

A hero without a cape.

She is a true angel on Earth,

Who heals using her special powers and kind heart.

To support and repair broken souls,

Doing her best to make the world a better place.

A hero without a cape.

I am aware people may think I am ‘all about me’. And you know, on some level that is correct. Because the disorders such as C-PTSD or borderline as well they rather  ‘force’ me have to think about me – ALL the time. Like a tyrant over  and within myself, mastering myself…loving myself as I love the Lord w all my heart soul and strength so I can even love others at all I have to manage my symptoms, and when I don’t – rage, flashbacks (physical ones), and sadness/despair and stress can overload and that’s not good, that is not good at all. If I don’t constantly check myself – my symptoms will ultimately increase and then leads me to not being able to self soothe at all  and that has led to me to a lifetime in and out of institutions in which I have been set free by the most high Christ so yes, I choose to avoid things that I can control ,..willfully. I have to have constant self awareness. This is how I manage my symptoms as well as I do. This is why I am not self destroying at this moment and been stable almost consistently for 4 years and some months- that is a miracle and not having panic attacks now or at least not as often.. and when they happen I know how to help myself !

C-PTSD requires constant self awareness, constant management, constant focus on self (and have learned when I don’t do this, things get far worse.)

Mind you, this is not something I am used to – self care, self love, focussing on me in healthy ways, is alien to me. I’m really bad at it. I’ve had to learn how to love myself enough to have positive self care. Which is all new to me. C-PTSD keeps me in the past – whether I like it or not. It is involuntary – completely.

I am in the deep stages of grieving so much loss. A massive amount of loss, that is painful and causes me much sadness and Coming to terms with the severity of my past, the damage it caused, the pain it caused, the loss it caused has been a huge process that is still continuing as I grieve, as well as my stolen childhood and all the abuse. So, am I self absorbed these days. Yes, I am. And I don’t like it, nor do I want it. All of this, I have tried to avoid for 20 years.

I have also gotten used to the fact that I have no choice but to think about my abusers, for good. To understand their situation and have a level of understanding and compassion for their sad lives and wish it could have been different for them.This takes courage and wisdom and a willingness to want to forgive. God gives is free will and I could choose to not forgive, making excuses and justifying this with so many reasons most people would understand. But, I don’t. That is how unselfish I am. How not ‘all about me’ I am. How not a ‘victim’ I am. But a survivor ! A freaking Hero !

This is how much I want God to change my heart and He is, I know it, And that is all that truly matters.