PTSD can be caused by a wide variety of incidents. Some of these traumatic events include:
- Living through a dangerous event
- Experiencing a serious or frightening injury
- Seeing another person get seriously hurt or die
- Feeling horror or extreme fear
- Experiencing trauma of any kind, and having no support afterward
- Living through multiple losses or traumas back-to-back
If you have feelings of hypervigilance, you may change your behavior because of how you’re feeling. It may be hard to focus or talk to others, and you want to stay away from large, noisy events.
Hypervigilance can also cause you to feel suspicious of people in your life. It can even reach a state of paranoia. Hypervigilance can lead you to catastrophize, or believe that the worst possible thing is about to happen.
OCD gets you stuck on unwanted thoughts that are inherently disturbing (e.g. about illness or unwanted sexual or violent thoughts). People who suffer with those types of obsessions don’t want to be stuck there either, but with a sense of purpose. Who would anyone want to think such terrible things? What makes hyperawareness obsessions all the more frustrating is that the person experiencing the obsession is not only stuck, but feels stuck as if with no sense of purpose. Why am I thinking about my breathing instead of just breathing without thinking about it? However, it is not really the case, since hyperawareness obsessions have no underlying fears. The seemingly innocuous obsession with unwanted awareness is just the surface of often much darker concerns.
Some related obsessive thoughts include:
- I will be permanently distracted by these thoughts
- I will never feel what it felt like to experience this automatically, without conscious attention
- I will be depressed forever because this thought will dominate my attention during meaningful experiences (e.g. my wedding and memories thereof will be ruined by my focusing on my blinking)
- I will embarrass myself socially because I can’t pay attention to anything but these thoughts
- I will have a mental breakdown, a panic attack, or become psychotic because of constantly thinking about this
Though “should” thoughts take center stage with hyperawareness, other common cognitive distortions can be recognized as well. Catastrophizing, for example, can come in the form of “If I don’t stop thinking about this my life will be destroyed.” Magnifying (relating to the thoughts or feelings like they’re a bigger concern than they are) also plays a serious role. Here, a thought like, “Oh, no, I’m thinking about my breathing” can be challenged as “Right, so I think about my breathing. Breathing happens.”
The problem is, after all, not the problem it appears to be. OCD will tell you that the problem is you can’t stop thinking about your awareness. But the actual problem is that you are trying to control your mind. Loosening this control effort opens you up to accept uncertainty and expose to your fear that the uncontrolled mind will contaminate your life. My feelings of helplessness and powerlessness increase tenfold once the lights go out. Multiple people have suggested I take self-defense classes and I have now and found those classes extremely helpful for the supressed anger and rage, or get a guard dog, or sleep with a knife under my pillow… and, yes, doing some combination of those things might make me feel better, but I know what the real problem is: I don’t fully trust God. I say that I believe my days are numbered. I say that I believe God is real. I say that I believe God is in control.I say that I believe God loves me.I say that I believe God is good.I say that I believe God’s presence is. Love without safety confuses me. But in this confusion and on-going struggle for peace when i’m at my most vulnerable, I am pressing forward to faith – searching scriptures for those that speak to my soul, to the heart of the matter. I must cling to these principles:
1) Nothing is secure. “Some trust in chariots, some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord.” Psalm 20:7 We can put our faith in guns, dogs, alarms, baseball bats, locks on doors… but, ultimately, we need to put our faith in God. We need to be confident in His plan for our life, that no matter what happens, His hand is over it all. God’s presence brings peace. “Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” Isaiah 41:10. I’ll admit I sometimes find this concept hard to understand and It doesn’t take away their pain or prevent it, God’s ultimate promise to us is that He will never leave us or forsake us. His presence is our peace.
3) No matter the circumstances, there is always grace. I love hearing about how God redeems trials and pain. Stories of those who have endured horrific events and yet come out praising God on the other side. It doesn’t always how it happens though. When I am feeling scared, I try to remember that God can – and will! – work all things together for good for those who love Him. (As Roman’s 828 is written) and if all fails that ultimately christ can use anything and everything, even most painful moments, to draw us closer to Him. Since people have differing opinions on everything from politics to sports to religions , it can be concluded that conflict seems to be a given in human relationships.
The Bible does not hide from the issue of conflict, nor does it condemn all conflict as sinful in fact From Moses to David to Paul and even to Jesus, the Bible’s greatest figures found themselves in conflict with someone or something. In the healing of toxic shame, Jesus will always begin by silencing the voice of condemnation. Christ will literally derail the accusations, make it silent And in the silence that prevails, He will lead me into mercy. Christ sends my spirit automatically to the women with the issue of blood..
As the crowd pressed in around her, bearing their rocks to stone her, there is not one moment when Jesus is not standing at her side. Initially, He is literally her physical shield from their condemnation. In standing at her side, Jesus is also placing His own life in peril, But as the crowd drops their stones and slink away, it is just Jesus standing alone with her. The ground around them is littered with the debris of discarded rocks that had been held in many angry fists but as the dust settles, in that moment of silence, Jesus asks her a question: “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”(John 8:10). Why would He ask the question that He already knows the answer to? Well, Because He is making a space for her to see the bigger event. She says, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus states, “Neither do I condemn you…” (John 8:11).
He is the only one in the crowd without sin; He is the only one who could legitimately have cast the first stone. Jesus reveals to her that He does not love her the way others have, that is to possess her or use like refuse. He makes a gift of love wholly directed toward her -to recover her identity as a beloved child of Christ the way the Father always made her to be. How did Jesus accomplish this? In the supremacy of His love, He took upon Himself the burden of her sin, the torment of her shame, She walked into freedom; and Christ Jesus – He went to the cross.
How did it all work out for her? We can’t be sure, but Jesus does give us this insight through a conversation He had with a Pharisee named Simon that is recorded in Luke’s Gospel this way: “’Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?’ Simon replied, ‘I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.’ ‘You have judged correctly,’ Jesus said.”(Luke 7: 41-43).
Physiologists defines shame as “a deep, painful sense of inadequacy and personal failure based on the inability to live up to a standard of conduct—one’s own or one imposed by others.” Christ says God gave us the ability to feel healthy shame as a correct response when we violate one of God’s laws. This is a gift from God called conviction because it tells us when we are doing something wrong, and it lets us know we are moving away from our loving, Creator. It is a gracious call to repentance. On the other hand, unhealthy, or toxic, shame can never redeem; it can only destroy. As a person recently coming out of abuse, you might find it difficult to discern the things you are responsible for and what things your abuser should take responsibility for.
Accept God’s Judgment of Yourself
Once you understand what things you are responsible to own, and which things your abusers are responsible for, you can begin to rid this toxic shame by letting God, instead of your abuser, or even yourself define your worth any longer.
What does God say about His children?
- We are completely forgiven (Psalm 103:12).
- Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38, 39).
- He rejoices over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).
- He doesn’t remember our sins (Isaiah 43:25).
- There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1).
Look up these verses and others that describe our relationship to the Father and prayerfully meditate on them and really Accept them as truth. After all, God’s Word is the only truth. Exchange Satan and your abuser’s lies for God’s truth. And just try and see.. taste and see how the lord is GOOD !!
Blessings Jesus name xx
Let’s become the light 